005. write, right?

I'm turning out quite terrible at keeping up with the days for this self-imposed challenge, aren't I? Counting the days 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6; and the posts 1, 2, 3, 4. I'm behind by two. But hey, the day isn't over yet, right. Here's to catching up, here's to never giving up.

My word the other night (1st September) was supposed  to be "brother" and I had made up my mind already about it on the day itself, before I got caught up in tech rage, of course. Yesterday, it was supposed to be "mother". And I've come to realise that when I decide on a word very early on in the day or the week, and I 'force' myself to write according to that, it becomes more difficult.

Am I allowed to change my mind? No one, cares, really, right - if I do use another word. But I don't know why I feel pressured to confine myself to the 'plans' I have made. No one's even heard these plans! They're all in my head and already, I feel responsible for them, like I've abandoned them if I don't follow through.

I wonder if it's right to just write according to your mood, or if you should set some boundaries - work only within certain spaces. Does that mean the writing becomes less authentic though? I overthink. Maybe the whole point is to just write. Get it out of your system. How do the great writers do it? Though I guess that shouldn't matter because

they are them
you are you
and I am me.

003. tattoo

A wise Kuya, who has a tattoo sleeve, once told me that it's alright to get a tattoo, just make sure you have an actual proper reason to get it. He said this in the context that tattoos were, and still are, often frowned upon. I've never been against getting one. Now, if only I knew what to actually get and my reason for doing so. But even if I knew either or both, I don't think I'd be able to do it. The commitment level is too high.

Like how I got this henna tattoo over the weekend, and I grew sick of it in like - a day? And it was a design I liked and picked out. So who's to say I won't hate what I've already permanently etched into my skin a day later? Except this time, it's not going to fade away.

I usually don't think of myself as fickle-minded or somebody who's afraid of commitment, especially for important things, but in retrospect, I haven't taken the leap for a long time now. It's always one toe in the water and ready to back away at any instant. (... And then, there comes moments like these when I feel like the version of self I have in my head is the me when I was 16 or 17, and I'm not even that person anymore.)

But maybe I'm just projecting. What do henna tattoos have to do with love and life and choices and whatnot anyways? (insert picture of Calvin asking his questions to the air/world/himself)

004. tech

On this day, the word will be tech. Tech like the tech that's taken over our lives, like the syllable in Tech-ka market but probably doesn't have a place there. Tech unlike Tech-en which I know remains cool even though I haven't played in the longest time and I don't know where our PS1 is. Tech like the drug that we're all addicted to and can't be without. Tech with the ugly withdrawal symptoms.

Welcome to Techolics Anonymous.

I wanted to wait till I got all the tech rage out of my system before I started writing but to hell with it, why not. No more tech rage though, just tech spent - mentally and emotionally, which has manifested outwardly physically. Think about how much of our lives we're really dedicating to information technology - money and time especially. Heck, I want to apply for a job at an IT company (more on that another time, and if ever I decide to actually move forward with it).

In a way, life was easier back when tech was merely a part of our lives and not the actual life. It was something we amused ourselves with for a while but eventually put down in pursuit of other more enjoyable, important things. It was one aspect, but it didn't permeate our lives. What really frustrates me, I suppose, is when things spiral out of my control and I can't do anything about it - you just have to wait for somebody else to fix it, you just have to wait for it to fix itself, you just have to not do anything because there is nothing you can do.

That's what frustrates me - like I'm a slave to this life, these hobbies, these extracurricular activities. With manual, you had control. You could physically change things, but now - nope, not gonna happen. Wring your hands, fiddle with your fingers, stare at the spinning rainbow circle of doom, tap taP tAP SMACK your unresponsive keyboard - things are not yours to change, not yours to improve, not yours to fix.

Ah, what a rant - talk to me again when I'm not fed up with this tech-reliant life. I swear I'll have positive, more sensible things to say but for now ...